Walk A Mile In My Shoes [entries|friends|calendar] dlovesbears [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Decission Made....... [02 Feb 2006|02:40pm] [ mood | hopeful ] I have pondered, procrastinated, thought about and tried not to think about and prayed about what path to take for my next journey. Leaving the Waffle House is a decision I had already made. It is to difficult on me to try to continue there and the money that I need to make to maintain, is just not there anymore. What to do after has been my question and delema and the decision that needed to be made. I have talked extensively with my daughter in Houston over the past few weeks, especially after losing my B.T. Once her(B.T.) journey was done, I had to get serious about where my journey was headed. My heart is in Memphis, it always has been since I came here to visit for the first time in 1992. Being surrounded by the Elvis world was like a dream come true for me and I have been blessed to live that dream since Oct. 1994! But my path will now be leading me back to Houston, Tx. Once I get my income tax return, I will be leaving the Waffle House. I'll take a week to pack and spend time with my precious extended family and friends ... then a U-Haul driven by my son, towing my car, Maggie, Presley and I will all head to Houston, Tx. I will leave so much of my heart behind in all the hearts that have so touched mine. I will return every year for Elvis Week in August and again for Elvis Week in January. This will also open a new door to my friends and extended family, for a place to vacation to! The road to and from Houston/Memphis travels both ways. Life will be easier on and for me there. I will be staying with my daughter and Rose in their townhouse till their lease is up in 3 months. I will have my own bed room, my own bath and all the privacy I would want. The three of us have been roommates before, back at Raleigh Woods Apts. for almost 2 years and it went perfectly. We all respected each others privacy and totally enjoyed each others company. In the mean time we will be looking together, for a house with either a guest house in back or a garage to convert into my own private little world. Denny (my daughter) has a friend who owns a book/record shop where I will be able to work part time and I will also be doing Secret Shopper work part time, both of which will be totally cool jobs for me and I will get to enjoy life and leisure time as well. They say "Home Is Where The Heart Is" ....... my "home" will always be here in Memphis, Tennessee and I will be taking so much of my heart and all who are in it with me. So......Decision made...new journey ahead, vacations to spend and visits to share. Much Love to all and ... how do I even begin to say "thank you" to all who have made me the person I have become and the love that each has given to me....... 10 walked a mile in my shoes.

PRESLEY....... [01 Feb 2006|02:07pm] [ mood | content ] Through every dark, bleak, raging, storm the sun usually shines through in the end. Her name is "Presley Agnes Britain" ! My new little ray of sunshine. On Sunday 1/24/06 Pete and Valerie drug me kicking and screeming to the fair grounds. It was the monthly arts & craft show and sale. It was raining, muddy and I had the next 3 days off - I wanted to be in for the weekend - NOT AT THE WET MUDDY FAIR GROUNDS!!! But Pete came and got me soooo off I went! He took me to the building that Valerie was waiting for us in. Right next to her were cages of all different breeds of puppies and a lady smiling at me jabbering something about how she had heard my story about B.T. and I and for me to just look around. I didn't have to look far....there was one cage filled with little fluff balls. Tiny, little fluff balls. I went to the cage and reached in and pulled out the runt of the litter, I held her up to me and hugged her...she didn't hug back...I looked back into the cage, all the puppies were milling around except one. That one was just standing there looking at me blinking her little eyes. I looked at her for a long moment, our eyes met and I knew in an instent she was "it"! I put the runt back in the cage and the other puppy stepped forword, as if she already knew what was next and she was ready for it. I picked her up, held her to me, hugged her and she hugged me back! She nuzzled into my neck, licked my neck and ear and made little soothing grunt sounds. The lady came over to me and told me that my son had told her about me losing my best friend and mate of sixteen years and how I had her cremated and put into a Build-A-Bear, she informed me that I was the type of person she wanted to adopt her babies out to. By this time tears were streeming down my face; I asked her how much she was selling them for. She told me $250.00. My gut ached and turned inside out! I had just put out $290.00 to cremate B.T., $20.00 at the vet and $20.00 for the Build-A-Bear (that was $330.00 of my $450.00 rent, that I was now desperately trying to make back up!) I told her I just didn't have it because of the expence I had just put out for B.T. She looked very kindly at me and asked if I had a checking acct. and could I put the puppy down long enough to write a couple of post dated checks. She smiled at me and told me there was no way she could let me go without taking that puppy with me as we apparently already needed each other and apparently already belonged to each other. Never put her down, I simply wrote checks, filled out adoption papers, signed Continental Kennel Club papers, hugged this kind, sweet woman and thanked her at least a kazillion times, exchanged phone numbers with her and left the fair grounds with Presley tucked safely and dry under my coat! We stopped at a pet store, I got puppy food, a couple of puppy toys and some Nutri Cal for puppies and came home. I sat on my bed with her and let her go. She went directly to my B.T. Build-A-Bear, and snuggled in, glancing back at me as if to tell me that it was all ment to be and it was all ok. Took her to my vet on Tuesday, he told me that it looked like I got another cutie and it was what B.T. would have wanted for as much as we loved each other, she would not have wanted me to be so sad and un-happy. She is a mixed breed: half Shih Tuz and half Pekenese she will be right at the same little lap size that B.T. was when fully grown.(B.T. was half Pomeranian and half Lhasa Apso) She is sable color, with a white chin and white tipped paws. She weighed 2lbs 1 oz at the vets. She was born 11/29/05. There will always be only one B.T. and none other will ever take her place or even begin to compare.... there is now a Presley Agnes Britain filling her own little tiny paws and warming her own place in my life and heart. She has made me laugh, smile and brought me more comfort than I can even express! Thank You B.T. for sending Presley to me...you knew how much I needed her. You are, infact, my Precious Angel! 1 walked a mile in my shoes.

B.T. ........ [16 Jan 2006|02:03am] [ mood | painful doesn't discribe it... ] I am sitting here at my computer trying desperately to find the words...I don't know how to begin. My eyes are swollen and sore but does not match the incredable pain that is taring through my heart. For those who know and love me...it has never been just "me" it has always been - me, B.T. and Maggie. On January 15th, that all changed. My world as I have known and loved it, changed forever. I HAD to put my precious little angel to rest. We were together for 16 years. I first met her when she was five days old. I visited her daily so she would know my smell and the sound of my voice. I saw her open her eyes....she came home with me when she was five weeks old...it was on my birthday...the greatest birthday gift I have ever received! Over the past sixteen years we have shared it ALL, gone through it All!!! She has worn my tears on her beautiful fur, and kissed them all away, with her soft little warm tonge, as they would roll down my face. She has shared all my laughter and joy (so much of which, she provided and was responcible for). She has been my comfort when I needed it... and even when I didn't. She was always there...always! For 16 years I have never slept without her little warm body right there next to me...never gone to sleep without her sweet little kisses and the knowledge that neither of us were ever alone...because we had each other. She saw me through all my life trials...and there were many...but she was right there with me always knowing just what to do even if that was to just crawl up in my lap to let me know she was there. She saw me through all my tribulations over the past six or seven years...most of which she was responcible for..I always knew that I had to stand strong and go forword because I had her and I had to take care of her and provide for her...she gave me "reason". She knew all my secrets and held them safely in her little heart. Everytime I went out my door I would look at her and Maggie and tell them, "you know the rules - no long distent phone calls, no parties, don't answer the door and don't let anyone in". Every night when I would leave to go to work I would tell them goodnight my little angels mommy will see you in the morning". On Sat. nights I would tell them, "this is it after tonight we have the next 3 whole days together". B.T. and I left Houston Tx. on Oct. 31 1994, at night, on a Grayhound bus. I had four boxes in the under carriage of the bus and that is how we moved to Memphis. I was told that I could not take my "dog" on the bus....she was not ever a dog she was my "fur person". Soooo I emptied out part of a gym bag I was carring and in she went. I zipped it up and told her she had to be so very quiet and good so we didn't get thrown off the bus. Once seated at the back of the bus I unzipped it part way so she could stick out her head and front paws and threw my coat over us both. I pet her and scratched behind her ears and neck for the entire 17 hour bus ride! She was perfect...as always...we never got caught!We have shared so many journies together and road trips and ...life! Over the past few years she got arthritus, and deterioration of discs. She never complained...never. She hobbled some but did so with great spirit. Her bowel track slipped down and afixed itself, into one fo her breasts that never fully dried up from when she had her one and only litter of puppies. The vet told me he had never seen anything like that before...that's because there has never been anyone quite like her! She slowly became blind and I became her eyes. I know had it been me, she would have become my eyes as well. I would look into her white clouded eyes and although I knew that 90% of her sight was gone ...I knew she could still see me. Then she got cancer, she had soft lumps in several areas of her body. There was nothing I could do, the treatment would have been to much for her age. She was never in pain and if she was, she NEVER let on...NEVER! On Tuesday Jan.10, I took her out to do potty, she walked and would stop and strain and walked and strained but never had a bowel movement. She never used her potty pads either. Wednesday and Thursday the same. I went to pick her up and she cried in pain...that tore my heart out. I knew then, what was coming...I HAD to make a decission. I knew she would NEVER let me suffer - she NEVER did. By Friday she was vomiting everything she tried to eat and drink and then it became bile. I called my best friend Maria in tears and told her what I had to do. She called the vet and made the arrangements for me. On Sat. morning, I laid on the bed beside her and told her that at 8:30 Maria was coming to get us and we were going to take our last road trip together...I cried and talked to her and laid next to her for 2 hours until Maria finally got here. She(B.T.) knew exactly what was going to happen and she knew it was killing my very soul. In sixteen years I had never lied to her and I didn't lie to her then. I wrapped her in her teddybear blanket and we took our last ride together...she on my lap ...just as she always rode when Maria drove. Pete met us at the vets and said "so long" to his "little fur sister" and cried. He could not go in the back room with me, he just couldn't do it. Maria walked that last mile with us. I laid B.T. on the table still with her blanket and they weighed her. The nurse looked sadly at me and said, "rough day ...saying goodbye to an old friend" I laid my head on B.T. and kept telling her how incredably much I loved her and how desperately I would miss her. The last thing I told her was "so long my little angel I'll see you again..." Then I heard the dr.'s voice telling me it was over, that she was gone...there was no more heart beat. How could that be?????? I don't really remember leaving that back room...I don't really remember Pete holding me in his arms telling me to come on that he was taking me home with him for a while, I don't really remember Maria holding us and crying and then having to leave and go to work. I can only remember the most emence pain I think I have ever felt deep within my soul and I actually felt my heart shatter and incredable emptiness... I can remember telling Pete and Valerie that I had to get home to Maggie because I knew that Maggie would morn too and I couldn't let her be alone. Maggie is ten (my fur person cat) and the three of us have been just that ... the three of us. We have shared our little world together for the past six or seven years in our one bed room "home". A beautiful world that we created together. I HAD to go to work on Saturday night...just because my world is shattered I still have bills to pay to keep things going for me and Maggie. I forced myself to go through the motions at W.H. for the longest eight hours of my life. (Thanks for being there Ghostwolf, Little Imp, my wonderful husband...who has been there for the worst moments of my life..and to all my beautiful circle of "friends" who without your love and compassion some days would just not be worth it!) During the two hours I spent with my B.T. Sat morning on the bed, before we went on our last road trip together, I promised her I WOULD NOT put her in the ground, that I would have her creamated and have her put in a Build-A-Bear and keep her with me always. Tomorrow (Monday) I have to pick her up from the vet's office and bring her to Dixie Pet Mortuary in Millington and for fill that promise. I had no idea that it would cost me $290.00 to do that! None! I thought maybe $100.00 at the most...after all she was just a little girl only a little over 12 lbs. A promise made is a promise I have to keep ... we never broke a promise to one another. I can only hope my landlady will understand and that I will be able to make it up to her at income tax ck. time. SkinScrape has been so wonderful to me. She too learned to love B.T. in the short time she knew her. She called her "beautiful" an nick name that was so be-fitting of B.T. She has held my tears and ....just been there. Tonight she helped me do the things at home that were so difficult and painful to do. Pick up B.T.'s bowls and her last potty pads, her pillow....she may be young but she is wise and very compassionate, I would be lost without her at times. I know that B.T.'s love for me was equal to the love I had/have for her. I know she never wanted me to know pain and would not want me to have it now. I asked her if I could have another "fur baby" and she licked me to tell me yes. I know she would not want me to be so un-happy and alone without her. I pray that a special little furrie lap warmer finds me very soon..I so need that hug theropy that only they can provide. On January 14th I lost my best friend, my companion, my soulmate, my lifemate, of sixteen years...I watched her open her eyes as a puppy so long ago and I was with her when she closed them for the last time...so long my little precious angel. 4 walked a mile in my shoes.

Reflections....... [02 Jan 2006|04:26pm] [ mood | calm ] Another year has passed. 2005 is gone forever... except for the memories and we all have them! It was in 2005 that Pete brought Valerie into my family - an angel and true blessing to us all. She loves my son in spite of himself sometimes and because of himself all of the time. She adores my granddaughters and is the perfect and ideal stepmom for them and to them. Far better than the mom who birthed them! We all love her and are grateful for her. Because of my husband, I got to know and learned to love Skinscrape and now she is my upstairs neighbor! When I first met her she was "young" (small pun on her last name)over the latter part of the year I got to watch her grow from a young,insecure woman into maturity, security and independence - which she wears very well! She no longer is of the beleif that she needs "someone" to signify who and what she is and to keep her life secure and stable....she does all that on her own now! She has widened her personal circle of friends, is maintaining her own apt. and all that entails. I am proud to say I have been a functioning part... in being her cheerleader and guide whenever she needed one. I paid off my car which I am proud and releived to say! That was a high mountain for me that I never thought I would climb or conquer. Some months were so financially hard and difficult for me that groceries were not an option but I made it through! Now Grace (my car's name) and I belong to each other, after 3 years of payments...papaerwork and all! Two of my favorite shops in "Graceland Crossing" (shopping strip across from Graceland) lost their leases that they have had for 28 years when the sale of E.P.E. went through! It was sad for me as I have made many Elvis friends at those shops and have purchased many of my Elvis Collectables in them! I did however, clean up, on their "Lost Lease Sale" and got some good "stuff" at half price. I'm sure Graceland will put more of their own shops in the strip and charge their outrageous prices! One of the shop owners is re-opening a shop in Bartlett in March so I will still be abe to visit my old Elvis friends there. I have decided to "retire" from the W.H. this year. I hate the word "retire" because that somehow sounds old and makes me think of rocking chairs! That is not the case at all with me...I assure you! I have been there for 12 years now and my legs, feet and back get tired and ache from pounding that cement floor all night long! The money is not what it once was and neither is the work crew that once was! Both making my job difficult at times to say the least. They keep changing shift cooks on me and some of my co-workers cause me to think violent thoughts and I am a confirmed pacifist! I have not given them a deffinate date that I will be leaving because I don't have one as of yet! I am open to anyone who might have knowledge of a job that would not keep me on my feet and running quite so much. A receptionist or something sweet like that soooooo keep your ears open for me. My daughter in Houston has an option for me but it is not what my heart wants no matter how much I love, adore and miss her. She wants me to pack it all up and move there. They are in the process of looking for a house that has a garage apt. which they feel certain will be perfect for me. If it were right here in Memphis ... I see "PERFECT" written all over it but not in Houston Tx. Home is where the heart is and my heart is right here! Happy New Year to all and much love form me to you! 3 walked a mile in my shoes.

What A Christmas....... [31 Dec 2005|10:25am] [ mood | mellow ] Christmas was wonderful this year...a warm fuzzy! I spent the Christmas holidays with my precious family and extended family and it all blended very well! When it came down to the wire I didn't have much sleep time but...when I finally did get to sleep ... I SLEPT!!(thanks to broomhildie)My tree, my home, both inside and out, were decorated very festive! Right down to stockings being hung on my mantel in the living room. Gifts surrounded and encumpassed my tree for my 7 grandchildren, their parents and my close extended family members. There were those that my heart shopped for but my financial purse emptied before I could purchase gifts. The night before Christmas I spent with my dear friend Maria at her family gathering around 7 p.m. From there I went to work at 9 rather than 10 because we were suppose to work 10 hours (9p.m. to 7a.m.) Right around the bewitching hour of midnight broomhildie walked into the W.H. with my most treasured gift! A few weeks earlier I gave her a family ring that had been handed down to me when my mother passed away. I was to add my birth stone and have it sized to fit me. I put it away when my father gave it to me as it was to emotionally difficult to deal with at the time. My father passed away last Feb. and I still left this family ring in a safe place - still not ready to deal with it. I had a dream concerning this ring and felt it was time to get it out and follow my father's instructions when he'd given it to me! Broomhildie knew of a jewler who does all her work so I entrusted my precious ring with her and her jewler. When she walked through the doors of the W.H. right at midnight on Christmas eve with a small bag in her hands I knew my greates gift had arrived! I cried when I opened the small ring box and saw how this ring just glowed and I felt the love that this family ring illuminated. I placed it on my finger and it fit as if it were infact, ment for me .... in the end ... it was! Thank you Broomhildie for the loving steps you took to make all this happen. I beleive you deeply knew the importance of this ring and the hour it was to be returned to me! Work was slow and I got cut from the floor right around 12:30. After sharing coffee with my husband, Broomhildie, and the Waters I journied home to prepare my meal for my family on Christmas day. There was so much to do - ham, sweet potatos, corn casserole, macaroni and pea salad, mashed potatos, etc., etc. all from scratch - nothing from a box or package for my family! Before I knew it my phone rang at quarter after seven, my husband called to tell me it was time to head to his home for Christmas morning breakfast and his tree. I stopped where I could with my food preperations, darted upstairs and woke up Skinscrape in her apt. and off we drove to Rooneymcbrimill's! What an absolutely WONDERFUL way to start Christmas morning! When we walked through the door, the living room was filled with friends/extended family. the smell of hot cider and coffee filled the air. His home looked so festive and absolute love filled the air! The coffe was delicious .... tasted a lot like W.H. coffee hmmmmm... the cinnamon rolls were delicious, the chatter amoung everyone and the laughter filled me with great peace and love. That is what Christmas is all about! (thanks for the beautiful sequined stocking my husband, I will treasure it always!)We each exchanged gifts with those we had them for and the ooohs and awwwws were so perfect. I so hope my husband does this again next year and for all the years to come! What a perfect tradition he started ! AWESOME !!!! When the time came we all gave Christmas hugs and kisses and well wishes and each of us went our busy ways! Skinscrape and I returned to our address. She went up to her apt. and I continued to prepare the meal for my family. At 12 noon they stared to arrive. My grandchildren are such a blessing to me I love them each deep within my heart! Skinscrape came down for my family tree and within no time there was wrapping paper, bows and opened gifts EVERYWHERE ! My home was filled with my family and again .... lots of love and peace and harmony! Dinner was served, hungry mouths were fed to the overflow, toys were played with adults marveled at their gifts and even my daughter Kellie received a little kitten that her husband had made arrangements to get through Skinscrape, to surprise Kellie! Dishes were done, food got put up, gifts were gathered up and my family headed for their homes in "hopes" to get their children to settle down after a long exciting day. Mine still had one chapter left - I headed out to Broomhildie's. When I got there, I found a home filled with more of my family (Peter, Valerie and two babies) and extended family, delicious coffee and more gifts to exchange and open. (I absolutely love my candle and the mirror holder Poppa - what a surprise - you so touched my heart!)I finally made my way to Broomhildie's marvelous couch and that is where it finally all ended for me. Sleep found me! I had planned to spend the night there anyway! A tradition Broomhildie and I started last year. I remember her waking me at some point and directing me to her bed room and her awesomely comfortable bed! I remember passing Dancingtodoom in the hall way on my way! Broomhildie and I watched The Nut Cracker for a few and chatted and then off to dream land till morning! What a WONDERFUL Christmas I had - I thank everyone for the wonderful gifts I opened and most of all for the gift that has no box or bow or tag - the precious gift of "love". I assure each of you that gift is returned ten fold! Through all this beauty my heart has a place of immence fear and sadness....my beloved sister has cancer.....PLEASE keep good thoughts for her and for those of you who pray - her name is Laura and she is the most beautiful creature that has ever touched this earth - the greatest gift of my life............... 1 walked a mile in my shoes.

The Mouse Slayer and Me....... [31 Dec 2005|09:14am] It seems that when my Christmas decorations got brought in from the shed, something I personally did not pack away, got brought in with the boxes! A pregnant mouse! It seems that she took refuge in my heater closet in my kitchen. Over the past few days little baby mice have escaped the safety of their mother's hiding place and entered my home from under the closet door. Maggie, (my furperson/cat)has taken great delight in chasing them down and within two days she put two of them to rest! She has become my hero for this, as I am scared to death of anything I cannot carry on an intelligent conversation with. However after their demise, Maggie leaves their remains where I can find them and give her, her just praise. My reaction is ALWAYS the same....a blood curdling scream and a call to Skinscrape, who comes to my rescue and toats the bodies to the dumpster for me! Well, Maggie played and toyed with one to long and it escaped her, darted into my bed room, under my bed and under a pillow that is on the floor beside my bed, where a precious angel bear sits. Skinscrape had to help Maggie chase this one down and capture it alive and take it to the dumpster. Yesterday the worst ... so far ... I picked up the water bowl from the kitchen floor to wash it and fill it with fresh water, when I set it in the sink a mouse dropped out from under the lip of the water bowl into my sink! I screamed at the very top of my lungs several times and grabbed Skinscrape, who happened to be visiting and standing near by and flung her to the sink by her arm! She asked me what was wrong several times but I just kept screaming and pointing into my sink.....never letting go of her arm (which I somehow scratched her breast in all this process...)! She finally saw Mr. or Ms mouse and told me to go into my bed room. I heard a brief scuffle and then saw Skinscrape leave swiftly out my back door with a wad of papertowels in her hand and a small tail dangling from the wad of towels. When she returned she told me it was safe to return to the kitchen. She is so my hero and has well earned the name of "The Mouse Slayer"! She is beyond AWESOME! Ok .... so that is a solid count of four, that either Skinscrape and /or Maggie have removed from existence....how many babies do mice produce at a time anyway? And what about the old wives tale of - "if a cat lives in the house you will NEVER have mice"! Well, I have a cat and a mouseslayer - how long before they get the idea that my home is "Dodge" and they need to get out???? These are all questions I need answers to! 1 walked a mile in my shoes.

Bits and Peices....... [09 Dec 2005|09:05am] [ mood | angry ] Christmas is quickly approaching. I still have so much shopping to do, so it seems! My tree is up and decorated and so is every room inside my home.It looks so pretty, I can't wait for family and friends to see it. This weekend my son Pete is going to finish doing the outside lights for me. He was going to do them last weekend for me but.....his and Valerie's home was broke into and the thieves stole everything from Valeries jewlwery to their T.V.'s, stereo, Play Station, DVD player, VHS player, all their movies and games, a great deal of their food, etc., etc. Now all these things can be replaced with time and hard work ..... however the one thing they stold, that can't be replaced, was....... their unborn baby. Valerie was six weeks pregnant and the emence stress the break in put on her, caused her to miscarry. It has been a long time since I have seen or heard my son weep and it tore my heart out. Valerie is so beautiful, not just on the outside but on the inside as well, and it killed my soul to see, feel and hear her heart breaking cry. She said she hopes the law catches the thiefs, so she rip their hearts out of them for killing her unborn baby! It was not an expected pregnancy but a most welcome and most wanted one. We are all feeling deeply sad and hurt and .......ANGRY !!!!! 1 walked a mile in my shoes.

Guns, Strangers At The Door, Good Police....... [29 Nov 2005|09:44pm] [ mood | calm ] Last night (Monday) I was sitting quietly at my computer, listening to Christmas tunes on my stereo when all of a sudden I heard a woman screaming, followed by two gun shots ! My computer room is in an alcove surrounded by windows at the front of my house. It sounded like this was all taking place right directly in front of the house! I ducked down and got into the kitchen and called Skinscrape on the phone. She was freaking too. I called the police and they told me they already had cars headed this way. Shortly Maria came over had a plate of my Thanksgiving dinner and we road to see the Lights at Graceland AWESOME!!!!!! About 12 midnight I was back on my computer and someone knocked on my door. At first I thought it was Skinscrape and almost opened the door without looking through the peep hole. I saw this strange guy standing there and I freaked out. I called Skinscrape and interrupted her phone conversation with my husband (sorry) ... she told me that this guy was now knocking on her door! He told her through the door that he just moved into apt. #2 and his daughter was broke down in Jackson bla, bla, bla, She knew that he hadn't just moved into apt. #2 cause that is where I live! She called the police!!! A nice female officer showed up told her everything was under control - they had picked the guy up and all was well in the neighbor hood again! I have lived here for four years and it has always been a very quiet and peaceful neighborhood, I have never had reason to be scared or worried about ANYTHING! Glad that whatever was in the forces last night is gone now and can stay gone! Two single females had a rough night of it...but once again Skinscrape and I over came! lol P.S. Thanks to Ed for the large peep hole he put in my door! 3 walked a mile in my shoes.

Personal Thoughts And Feelings....... [29 Nov 2005|10:59am] [ mood | melancholy ] A Journal is just that - a place to vent personal thoughts and feelings. This past Sunday I celebrated my Thanksgiving because I had to work both Wed. and Thurs. nights. I had a house full of family, friends and extended family. I cooked a massive amount of food and everyone left content and full. Skinscrape stayed and helped me put all the food up and pick up some. Once alone, I had time to reflect on my life. I adore my family, they are my "reason". I love my friends and I love them honestly and my extended family as well. I asked myself ... why can't everyone that I love so dearly, love each other as well? Good question ... however it has no answer. How wonderful it would have been, if I hadn't had to be selective in my guest list, to make sure that all the right combination of people were here at the same time. So many people are apparently judgemental of others ... don't we all live in glass houses ... don't we all have our own flaws and short comings? Haven't we all hurt and been hurt? We have so many holidays, some are state holidays, some are religious based and most are surrounded by gift giving and making the local merchants richer and happier. I would like to invent some sort of holiday where everyone could put aside ALL personal differences and spend the day with the person they "think" they dislike the most! Perhaps we would all find that, that person REALLY does have some redeeming qualities after all! It's a wild idea and God only knows, no one would agree with me or even make the effort to do it. Sad... because I know each one in my wonderful circle of friends and extended family and see the sunshine in each one. Yup there are clouds too ... we all have them but... there is sunshine in each. - Just a thought... Recently I was told that, as happy and content as I am with and in my own life and the wonderful world that I have built and created for myself, I have closed out allowing myself to truly love and be loved in an intimant relationship. I was told that I have done this to protect my heart from ever being devastated and destroyed again. (All who know me on a close personal basis know that I endured and ultimately survived an incredible destructive relationship). I was told this by, a wonderful, wonderful man who has loved me openly and honestly for ten years. I went to my "husband" (Rooneymcbromill) with this and as I spouted and protested all this to him I watched him grin. He told me that "Ed" had truly take the time to to get to know me and see beyond all that I show to others and he sees the deep scars that were left behind and all the fears that I have "chosen" to never allow myself again. My world works perfectly for me and I AM happy and I AM content and at peace with myself. My husband agreed that I am and he agreed that I have re-built the perfect world for me...however ... if I ever chose to re-open that door to love again and allow myself to be loved again ... that this man would be the perfect match for me, as good as he is and patient as he's been with me. I don't know how to re-open that door...I honestly don't know how...sometimes I miss loving and being loved and I sometimes miss that look that lovers exchange....I just don't know how..... well the end of personal thoughts and feelings for now! 1 walked a mile in my shoes.

Memories.......It's The Little Things....... [28 Nov 2005|06:21pm] [ mood | mellow ] Today my son (Pete) came over and dug out all my Christmas decorations and my tree. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I love the lifetime of memories that I have of Christmas past. I grew up in a little New England town where snow was piled high and icicles hung from the rooftops. Everyone's home was decorated and groups of carolers would go from house to house singing Christmas carols. My parents were the very best ..... our beautiful old New England mansion was decorated inside and out. We were told both, the wonderful magical stories of Santa Claus and of the birth of Jesus. My sister and I always felt such great excitement at this time of year. Our family knew and shared REAL family love and unity ..... I guess that was the greatest gift of all. My parents are both gone now...it's been two years and my sister is fighting with cancer (I know she'll win) She is in Ct. and I am here in Memphis .... I miss them and I miss her but I have such priceless, wonderful memories. My sweet friend and upstairs neighbor (SkinScrape) helped me put up my tree while we listened to Elvis Christmas music on my stereo. We laughed and talked and for the first time I felt the Christmas spirit for this year. It's the little things that really matter after all! (Thanks Critter) 2 walked a mile in my shoes.

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